Sunday, 28 April 2013

Empty and contemplating

First I was angry, then I was upset, but now I've reflected and hardly thought about anything else and I feel empty. To see yourself through someone elses eyes is hard, it's worse when you had such different opinions about them, good ones, loving ones. Now I don't see how it will ever be the same. What's the point in trying when I hate the person you painted me to be.

I change my mind all the time, one day it's up the next down, one minute it's summer then it's winter...I asked very recently what I would sacrifice for a pretty view...well now I ask, what dreams will I sacrifice for people I can't depend on? What will I give up to try and hold something together I have no control over. I know nothing, I only know myself and who I am, I clearly have faults, people point them out and sometimes I don't know how to deal with it, but I know the good parts, the personal parts and I have been alone all my life really. Even if an outsider looks in and see's a big family and lots a friends, the truth is it's always been me and my mind, we get along just fine. I'll do fine on my own for the rest of my life. That's what I'll do. I don't need anyone, I pump my own fuel, I burn my own fire, eight minutes I said before. Eight minutes is what I'm sticking to. Eight minutes it would take me to pack and walk away.

I'm going to write my coursework now.

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