Monday, 15 April 2013

Got that feeling again...caged

The sun shone today, I felt the first real flush of summer. The last few days I've been getting that feeling again, the one that haunts me like a ghost. It comes every time there's a change in the wind....that feeling of being caged up, that desperate need to run and be free. For someone that's never been imprisoned or restricted in life I don't understand where this feeling ever came from, but I've been followed by it all my life. I want to run, I want to be on the move...I'm suffocating here. I can't breathe again...I want to run. This is Grace talking, spurring me on. There's a wind pushing at my back and a road waiting for my presence. I hate feeling so trapped, I'm tied to uni deadlines, to work...but still the crave is there, the need. One day I tell myself, but one of my fears is that day won't ever come. That I will live and die here under this sky and this rain and this sun and that I shall never have travelled that road.

I got my uni money instalment paid into my bank today...I looked at the screen and almost ran right then. I wanted to catch a plane, a train anywhere...I could escape with that money! But no, I need to earn my degree, I need to forge my life and then things will work out the way they're meant to. I hope.

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