Wednesday, 19 February 2014

God, uni, fail, Grace

God, I don't ask for much. Ever since I turned 15 and Grace was very real inside my head I felt that I could live forever with nothing else. Things can go wrong, people can hurt you and you can be kicked down in the dirt but if I still had Grace it wouldn't matter. Grace's presence reminds me of my dreams, my soul, she reminds me to remember who I am, because I often forget. It's just lately I haven't had Grace with me. I feel so lost in this unfinished book. Without it university is closing in on me, i feel the numbers flying around my head, numbers make me confused, they make me feel uncomfortable. I think I'm failing. I admit I made wrong decisions, I admit I let myself be led and didn't turn back when I realised i was on the wrong road. I am prepared to live with that. But if the last three years have been for so little, if I have really wasted and now towards the end don't even have Grace holding my hand I feel a break down coming. I need Grace to say don't worry, you've got me, you've got the story. All we've ever needed is pen and paper and we'll survive. Damn it Grace can't you just come back and tell me where the story is going! I need you. 
God just let me let pass. Let me pass this bloody three year course and I'll manage from then on. Don't let me finish with a fail. How will I ever face anybody again. 

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