Sunday, 2 February 2014

life twists and turns

I'm only a quarter into my life and yet I feel as if major life changes have already happened to me, events have taken place that have imprinted on the person I am. I had four best friends through primary school and half way into high school. These girls meant a lot to me, they were my world before boyfriends and exams suddenly burst into life. Jodie in particularly was my favourite person in the world, I don't remember ever bitching about her to anyone, I don't think I knew how to 'bitch' back then. I thought the BFF that we stamped on everything we touched actually meant something, I never imagined that I'd grow up and that girl would be just another name on my facebook, one that makes me feel a twinge of regret when I think of things lost. If I could go back would I have held onto her with a stronger grip? Or was it simply the way it was meant to be for us to go separate ways? I became a Mentor and Prefect, I got a boyfriend and integrated into a different social circle, if I could go back I think I'd like to try and pull her with me, but it's too late for that.

At a random birthday party I saw a guy I regarded as a complete douchebag from school sitting alone. Pushed away from a conversation and ignored myself I headed over for a chat. It would take a little while after that until I wanted that guy as my best friend, and longer still until that was a possibility, and now I can never decide whether I want to hug the dickhead or wring his neck.

2nd year of college the Keyholder put the first crack of many he'd lay into my heart, the first time our relationship ended should have been the last. Giving a second chance is one of my biggest regrets, and yet two years later history would repeat itself and I would be alone again, older, harder, more fierce and more able to heal myself. If that first time hadn't happened, I wouldn't have run into the girls toilets crying, humiliated that everyone was about to find out, and my pigeon wouldn't have come and found me and offered a shoulder. A girl I knew but didn't know. Someone I'd made no effort to like, and that started a friendship that I now treasure.

If that first daffodil hadn't asked me out in such a clumsy charming way I wouldn't have suddenly felt pretty and confident at a time when I felt ugly and miserable.

If I hadn't been talked into attending that fitness class, and then forced myself to keep it up, I wouldn't have met Mr Jones.

So many random occurrences lead to huge aspects of your life with twists and turns, but the question is, when you can see things twisting and turning and are conscious of changes and have the ability to swing it one way or another, what way do you swing it? It's a very complicated scenario.

No comments:

Post a Comment