I know disappointment is a part of life, ok I have learnt that lesson, so maybe now it's time to let up and give me a break. I couldn't put more effort into life if I took an elixir of immortality. I throw on my 'make the most of it' smile, I dress myself up, prepare myself with the hope of actually achieving some worth while experience and for what?...a dingy freezing cold room someone has the nerve to call an office, I sit at an age old desktop doing nothing. Even if I had to answer a phone it would class as 'doing something' but staring at an unmoving screen isn't worth the time of day.
This 'office space' is a waste of this so called 'company's' money. A one man team doing nothing he couldn't do in the comfort of his own home. This is pathetic. I'm sent here by our countries flawed system to get more 'experience' for my C.V because three years of uni, a portfolio, an unpaid placement, two part time jobs and several volunteer positions don't qualify me to be worth employing. I'm so frustrated I could scream the whole street into opening their windows and doors.
If I stick at this for four weeks (which I will do, out of a simple drive to finish what's started) I'll come out at the end with nothing more than another signed reference and a name to exaggerate around on my next pointless cover letter...I won't be getting anything real; no new skills, or valuable knowledge or hands on experience. All I get is another possibility for a good embellishment of the barely-there-truth. Worst of all, for the hours of misery and boredom I'll put in here, I won't receive a single tarnished penny. Not one. I feel utterly pointless.
Sometimes I genuinely think I have nothing of substance in this world, nothing you can touch or see, I've often said before there's nothing so important to me in these four walls that I'd have to take with me, and so far the world isn't offering me anything.
I have beautiful things only I know of for certain: an imagination, I have my Mr Jones, a rare few people I care about. Some might say I'm luckier than most to have such things, It's a damn shame love and passion don't buy tins of beans or pay the gas metre.