Thursday, 3 November 2016

Missing Family. Great Barrier Reef

My two youngest brothers came by this evening to put up my wooden beam and curtain pole. I'm sure Jones could do a fine job of this if we stocked him up with power tools, but I selfishly prefer to save these odd-jobs for my brothers. I worry if I didn't have something for them to do I'd never see them. Having them here reminds me childhood, and reminds me of a home I don't feel The Tower is yet, a home I've never really had.

I miss my family. I'm only a twenty minute walk away up the hill but working 9-5, usually over time too, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, constructing crafts, trying to write my book, (living a standard life) the little energy I have left over is absorbed into the sofa come 9:30 in front of the T.V. I don't have a family of my own yet and the emptiness of the house can be oppressive, but it's a peace I know I should savour. All too soon I'll look back on these days with a wishful eye, or so that's what my elders tell me.

I still feel alone, alone with my thoughts all too often. Unsure about my life and where I am heading. With every new venture, every good turn of events, there comes an overwhelming amount of questions and worries attached. I wish the week away like everyone else, waiting for my the time that's my own, to do as I like, that's so precious. We wish our lives away that way. The clock keeps ticking and I'm always thinking I'll run out of time to do the things I want to before it's the end- grim, I know.

But Jones put this documentary on the other night which showed just a small result of our global warming. It crammed together as much horror as it could into a two hour slot, the abuse of our planet for profit and the bit that choked me was The Once Great Barrier Reef- half dead and rotted beneath the ocean, what I used to look at in pictures now deteriorating. I don't know when I might have gotten to Australia, I still don't feel confident swimming, but that dream of diving on that reef feels painfully shattered. The little colour and life that's left I don't know if I'll have the time or the funds to ever see before it too disappears beneath our own vile corruption. I worry about how many other dreams will go unfulfilled.

I think if I had voices and joy around me I'd not worry so much about the bigger stuff. Missing my family makes me think about that. I envy the distraction they have in their own little families. If I could fill these walls with enough distraction I wouldn't miss the things I will inevitably miss out on. Does that make sense? Does any of this make sense to anyone but me?

I have to wrap this up. Pie in the oven is almost done. I have to dish up dinner.

A rough example.
Before Humans


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