Calm

I'm so bloody upset right now, and I have given way to those damn waterworks that I despise and then reigned them in. So now I am furious with myself for breaking down. I hate breaking down. Almost as much as I hate those four walls. I'm upset with life and the people in it. Too many judgemental words from too many people who don't know me or what I have put up with over the years. One too many, simple as that. I have one of those tempers that burns and burns until one final thing pushes me over the limit and I explode quick and furious and then it dies down after half an hour or so. I'm like my dad I guess. I have a temper that threatens to throttle anything in its path. I found a way around shouting and breaking things though: I write diary entries, I just happen to make them available to the world.
Some of you reading this may well be part of the group that's set my temper a light today, there are several of you who have contributed to my breakdown and only one of you who has apologised. Which I accept happily. The others of you who remain silent and I suppose ignorant to the fury you ignited I have little time for anymore. I have said goodbye to some very dear friends who pushed me too far, this evening marked the final straw. I bet two of you will read this, but will you realise I refer to you? You have pushed me away when once I told you my deepest secrets. I will blog my goodbyes to you and if you stumble upon them I hope you know it was your fault and not mine because I tried, with one girl particularly I tried very, very hard to keep you but you weren't interested in maintaining our friendship. I was disposable to you. Now I have had enough. I have exploded, I have calmed, and I have a clear head when I realise some friendships I used to cherish are well and truly over.