Maybe I've watched too many episodes of The Walking Dead, and the end of the world scenario plays over in my mind too often, but I'm just not interested. In their conversation I mean, how has it come to this? After years of discussing literature, psychology, the arts and science, the world and religion and serious issues and why we're here and basically 'cool stuff', to suddenly being surrounded by people whose main topics for stimulating conversation are:
Getting drunk
Being drunk
Getting laid
The Football
Meet the Kardashians
I've never been the most socially inept human being, at times I'm very nearly invisible but I've learnt to be more sociable over the years and forced myself from the shell. This however, this is excruciating. I sat there, wishing a hole would swallow me up, I was meeting eyes but not really looking at them, and eventually that slow-motion movie moment happened when the lips are moving but the sound is almost muted and your own thoughts take over, I was thinking: I don't give a shit about you or anything that's coming out of your mouth.
I wanted to walk out, but that would be 1. weird and socially unacceptable, and 2. rude and jeopardise the current situation. I sat there thinking about the end of the world...again, and if it happened as I think it will happen how fucked these people would be. How utterly pointless and trivial their lives are.
ok, ok, I don't pretend that I would be some kick-ass survivor if shit went down, and I don't exactly have a fulfilled charitable life that people will remember when I'm gone, but at least I'd go down fighting. and I have a more substantial life than these losers. losers that's the word. LOSER.
You think there's something wrong with me? For reading books and learning crafts and developing skills. You think discussions about science and a love of the discovery channel makes me a freak...it's like being back at school. I'm not the loser in this equation. I am learning such small irregular details of life since being an adult, they are few and far between, seemingly useless and yet they are in my belief the most important facts I will take with me until death, I will list them now...
1. Disappointment and disrespect is going to hit you in the face most of the time
2. Nobody really gets it, or gives a shit about you, except you.
3. What happened before doesn't mean shit, it's what's happening now that counts
4. If there's only one person who can make you tolerate each day then that one person is precious and you wont find another one, so keep that one alive and with you.
5. Washing machine, cooker, hot water bottle, food, a good pair of boots and a stapler are really the only fundamental things I will ever truly be unable to live without (again).
6. Friends aren't people you see all the time, or have lengthy chats with, they're the people who remember you.
7. Sex is epic and a necessary part of a happy healthy life
8. No one appreciates your time, because they're too selfish with their own
9. Everyone thinks that they might be the one the win the big time on the lottery, regardless of whether or not they actually play it.
10. The few people in this world I'll ever actually like spending time with I think I've already met.
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