I've made some wrong decisions, and I'll likely regret those decisions for a long time going. I've also had to make decisions I wasn't happy about because I had no other choice. Again I can't help feeling tormented by all this, because I am not supposed to be here. This is not the right place for me. My private life is so blissfully wonderful, I think perhaps it warrants why professionally, academically, I'm not happy. You can't have everything.
I don't want everything, I just want to be content in all aspects of my life. I've got to fix this. I've got to think fast and find an escape route. Think fast and act faster.