I have the best friend in the world.
As Elizabeth Bennet said: “There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well."
I love very few people. I tolerate most people with a throbbing headache and a fury against the world. So I have chosen my dear ones with care. I have, I hope, focussed enough attention and consideration into nurturing these bonds to keep them strong. I love my best friend Pidgin. She is my only female friend, (non-relative) and that is because she's the only friend I chose to keep. I let others drift away or quite literally pushed them away, frankly because I don't want them. But Pidgin, I care about. Our friendship is much like a slow growing bonsai tree. It takes time and care to establish, it then requires very little pruning to maintain but it must be respected and treated with care. Our friendship is strong as a hundred year old Oak, but fun, easy and simple like a potted plant. The miniature tree. The Bonsai.
I can be so honest with Pidgin. I am so relieved this evening to have been able to unburden all this drama of the past weekend and confusion and annoyance and just breathe.
I don't want Pidgin to leave again. But I'm so proud of how brave she is in going to new places and doing what she wants and facing walls and finding a way to climb over them. I'm not like that. I wish I could be, but I don't think I have it in myself. I always see the worst.
I sometimes think I would go crazy if I didn't have the right person to talk to. Jones is my rock but you can't always talk to a man the way you can talk to a girl. Sometimes men just cannot even pretend to be interested in what women have to say. This is when you need a friend. Simple.
But as I said, I choose my dear ones carefully. I don't want any more, I don't want random add-on's. I like who I like and if I let you in it's a big deal to me. I love my Pidgin. I have my person. I can't be best friend to anyone else. I am just not 'big' enough to handle it. This bond has grown over years and years, as with all my personal bonds.
I cannot magic a connection over a weekend and a 2 teas. I can't! I'm sorry.
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