Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Decisions, Decisions

Ever since I achieved what should have been a great accomplishment I've felt as if I signed myself away into a series of bad experiences. Like looking forward to a movie for over a year because the Trailer looked ace, and then the movie is a shambles.

 I'm drained and my positivity is ebbing away bit by broken bit.

If I'd known then, what I know now...I think I would not have bothered applying. That said, maybe I really should hand it back. Can I get away with that? Hi Guys, I don't want this anymore, it's pants, can I be downgraded back to six months ago? Thanks!

The once bubbly atmosphere in the place has deteriorated I think, the family feel has died, and now I'm sat here thinking...I'm no good at this superior position. It's maybe not for me after all. I gave it a good go. I've certainly put in 100% effort and I've really tried, tried coming at this challenge from all angles, but none of it seems to have worked. Every week I feel a little more of myself fade away and now that people are noticing, I can't ignore that I am not my bubbly happy self. I'm not happy for eight hours a day.

Five months now I've been doing this, it's gone by fast but doesn't time always do that? Every week I tell myself, this week all will go smoothly and everything will be fine, but then something happens and it's not fine. I wish my old supervisor was around so I could ask her advice, I feel sure she'd have something to contribute to my thought process.

I miss my old routine, because I now feel like I've just gotten to that point where I'm really good at my OLD job. I've nailed it down to a T and I miss doing it. I really need to make a decision on this, I need a glimpse of the next 6 months to help me decide what I'm going to do.

If there was an outer world being - they would offer some guidance right about now. In the form of a dream or premonition or anything! Send me a sign. What shall I do? I'm getting really fed up of asking this question.

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