Thursday, 12 December 2013

Soggy jigsaw piece 2

Soggy jigsaw piece, I've said it before, it seems to be the perfect metaphor for how I feel. Things I dream about are surreal to you, the views I have are not valid to you, the way I think baffles you, I cannot be myself without feeling as if  I am in the wrong, and I ask myself, how long will I go on not accepting who I am and who I'm not, mainly who I'm not.

It's common that I will retreat to my room to be alone when I'm upset. On occasion I run to my sister in law and my brother. It's a rarity I will feel upset or confused enough to fly to my parents, I have to be in a very odd state of mind to want my parents company and to talk things out with them. I don't really want advice, I answer my own questions, I just want to vent it out. My mother told me a story, about when I was about six and at a friends birthday party, all the other children were playing and having a great time and I was down the bottom of the garden having a full blown conversation with the nearest adult that I could find, and apparently when my mother asked me why I never played with other children I answered "Because they irritate me, grownups are more fun to talk to." My mother said its basically never changed. I despised being made to spend time with people my own age, I always radiated towards older people, well that's the thing isn't it. I might be a soggy jigsaw piece, but that's what I've always been.

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