Thursday, 3 July 2014

Post Grad Standstill

I wish I had a dock nearby, sail boats anchored and seagulls over head At least then I'd be doing justice to this song: "Sitting on the dock of a bay, wasting time."

 Bit of a weird standstill now university is finally over, people are crying over lost 1st's or jumping for joy with their 2:1's and above. Hell I was shocked to have scraped a pitiful 3rd never mind being just a few marks from getting a 2:1 myself, but honestly who cares? I've said it before I will say it again I do not measure my self worth by numbers on a page. A 2:2 on some computer screen beneath my name in the distance is good enough for me.

I'm hitting repeat on a Lady Antebellum song as if that might rewind time just 3 minutes, time is what we're running out of and it's the only thing we need.

Thoroughly disappointed with university as I was I can still look over the last three years and select the bits that really made a difference.

Getting that part time job as a waitress, a whole 13 months of sweat, sore feet and choking on peri peri somehow structured me into a confident bubbly person who can chat with anyone and speak up for herself, what a character change from the timid hermit I was at college.

Nursing a broken heart and realising just because something was familiar didn't mean it was wonderful or even tolerable.

Jumping out of a plane at 15,000 feet

Coming to terms with the fact that I will never understand or approve of my parents, their ideas, their lifestyle and accepting that they will never change for me. I will always feel that way and keeping yourself to yourself until the day you leave is sometimes the only option that prevents you from slipping into a coma of hatred.

Meeting my Mr Jones, and being treated the right way for a change.

In addition to the above, losing my virginity. An act I thought might never happen! Learning what sex is and what it's not, compared to the movies

Experiencing passion.

Finally learning how to cope with the pain of my arthritis on my own, without being reduced to tears of pain on a daily basis.

Learning that just because university says so doesn't make something an awesome read. Poetry sucks when it's dissected like a dead frog, so screw you poetry bastard, screw you and your 58!!

Finding out that some friends only want to be your friend when you're sad and alone, as if they feed off your misery. Real friends accept you when you're wounded and once you've healed and welcome whoever it is that contributed to that healing process.

Holding a family together will never work when they're not all willing to hold hands with you. You can't please everyone.

Finally taking my own dream seriously.

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