Thursday, 24 April 2014

Broken Washing Machine

I'm so stressed out, I swear my brain is beginning to think headaches are a normal part of everyday. my eyes feel like they're too big for their sockets while my skull is threatening to split open.

I feel like I was 5, went to sleep and woke up almost 21, with two weeks left of uni, no definite grade and no job lined up. I feel sick in my stomach and lost. Truly honestly lost. Where did the time go where I told myself I had plenty of time to sort things out?

I always pictured myself being on my own at the end of uni, I have no idea why exactly but I genuinely always imagined the end of education and the beginning of real life being a solitary journey and perhaps if I was on my own at this particular point in time I would be a little more relaxed. I wouldn't be so hell bent focussed on getting that steady income to save and to move on, I feel an added pressure at the moment I could do without, just because no one around me is helping me to feel calm or helping at all! I just feel a sense of radiating pressure and I have a constant headache from it all.

The sodding washing machine broke today, that just added another bulging twinge to my headache, and reminded me how much I hate these awful four walls, there's a bloody curse on this place I swear, a black cloud always hovering. One day I'll have my own four walls and my own washing machine and it's that thought that pushes me but at the same time I need to relax before I give myself a brain tumour. Maybe I bloody am Bipolar! or maybe I'm just stressed and eventually I'll reach a point when everything is settled nicely and I wont be so stressed about the future because it will have already happened!

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