Monday, 9 June 2014

idiots and Coniston

In these four walls I am surrounded by idiots. It's like they've watched me for the last four weeks with absolutely no clue as to what I am doing or what's going on, and more importantly they haven't bothered to ask. So I've told them, I've said what's going on in my life, what I am aiming for and what the situation is right now. It went through one ear and out the other. When a person has no money, it means they have no money. Not for electric, not to buy a new washing machine, not to take a day trip to the shops and have lunch with you since I will be paying. For Christ's sake get a grip.

I hate the fact that not working is a normality here, and it sickens me. You think I'll roll around bumping into these four walls like you for the rest of my life with nothing to achieve or aspire towards. Piss off. It's like living with children sometimes. "Don't you have savings?" that a joke? You think I have money tucked away somewhere, from when? from what? You've watched me scrimp everything together for the last three years, watched me eat barely anything at times, seen me cancel things and go without bare necessities, you think I would do that if I had anything left to save!? I buy the kids Christmas presents every year because you don't and you've watched me pull everything together to manage that!

It's a constant headache here. It's so suffocating. Coniston has become a sanctuary. As soon as I step through the door, whether there's bits of nerd stuff everywhere, or wrestle mania noises flooding the small space I feel at peace. Even with the ghost it's peaceful and comfortable. I wish there was room for my sewing machine and fabric box but there simply is not, but one day we will change from Coniston to another place, somewhere bigger and I will have all my little loves and luxuries. but for now, it perfectly fits my little place of joy.

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