Wednesday, 22 January 2014

I want a Fireman

You know, I'm beginning to think that us women have a bloody hard time of it. Give a nod if you agree. Frankly a woman who sleeps around having fun, enjoying herself is called a slapper, a man who does the same is called 'experienced', now where's the justice in that? Men who fantasise about threesomes and naughty nurses are looked at as 'men being men', women who want a little spanking and maybe some policeman's handcuffs are deemed (and I speak from genuine research of surveys) 'Pornstar', dirty and at the worst 'a little bit weird'. Frankly if someone says "be a dirty girl for me" its damn right hot,  but hearing "she was rank man, propa dirty slut, wouldn't take her 'ome" just because the girl was eager for some fifty shades of grey is not only degrading but it's off putting. Like women's confidence isn't low enough most of the time without even being able to feel comfortable enough to get what they want in the bedroom. A man has a 'wank' in any bedroom/gardenshed/toilet available and it's all "It's natural for men", women have some private time in the bath and all you hear is "Urggh too much information!".

We buy the underwear, we shave the legs, we take so much time and effort in our hair and makeup we could probably paint the Mona Lisa if we pooled our talents and I'd like to know why even in this modern day we're the ones expected to put 110% effort in? If a relationship is going sour why are all the books and the magazine advice aimed at women? Why should we be the ones to keep the spark alive? Why is our responsibility to keep things fresh and exciting and our bodies up to standard? Don't we do bloody enough? What you scumbags think we don't like you to wear nice underwear and not some cartoon covered pants you couldn't have gotten away with as a child? Where's the sexy satin boxers? Why don't you guys lie naked and waiting on the bed to surprise us when we come in from the shops, or doing the tea? Why don't you light some fucking candles!

"Oh I'd love a naughty nurse, why don't you do things like that?" I heard from some randomer gawping through the window of a shop, and I'm very proud and pleased to report the girlfriend replied "Why don't you go down on me more ay? Oh yeah because you're a lucky fuck."

Oh the joy, I suppressed the laughter.

Where's our role play? If any man I know can come forth and raise his hand and say "I have not only thought about doing something fun and sexy for my girl but I went ahead and did it, I dressed up and did some kinky roleplay" well I will 1.) give him a high five and probably print him a certificate, and 2.) ask him if he's still seeing her and if he's free on Friday. I'd be amazed if any young man even bothers to trouble his thoughts with such things, because as I have discovered through various research, it's the 'woman's' job to do those things.

I wouldn't say no to some hanky-panky in the park, or to look up and discover a fireman climbing through the window this summer because "I heard talk that there was something extremely hot in here, and it's my job to hose hot things down." -and I'm damn well sure the majority of the female world are nodding their heads right now saying "Yes, I need a woodcutter to come light my fire, a fireman to hose it down, then a policeman to come put the cuffs on and arrest me for arson and noise pollution!" the very least we could see some black satin boxers over your ass for once instead of whatever t.v. icon you're sporting this month.

This rant has been fuelled by various little things and inspired today by some well placed listening to other peoples conversations. My point is...If the spark is dying, or the sex department is going out of business why in this decade is it our fault and our responsibility to keep it on track? Let's see you guys pull out a bit more than you usually do!

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