Friday, 23 August 2013

Dreams lately :-(

My dreams have always been vivid and usually strange but lately I feel like I'm not getting rested properly because my dreams are bothering me. I dream about my wolf a lot but generally he just drifts in and out. Last night I dreamt unsettling dreams, the kind where you have no clothes on and are in a public place, but it was worse than that...stood in my underwear faced with the Keyholder and the Newone and I felt inadequate, pointless, ugly. They stared at me and in a surreal way we made chit chat while I had my bare stomach and legs on display. I woke up and didn't remember, it took about 5 minutes then the dream re-surfaced and I practically cowered. Vile, horrible, bastard dream. How dare you creep into my head and make me feel like that all over again in my own subconscious. I am worth so much more than that.

I remember the first time I genuinely felt pretty, which is frankly the most sickening blush worthy story because it was in the hall, at my fitness class, and I knew my wolf kept looking and it made me nervous and hot and bothered and amazed all at the same time. The second time was our first date. He's the only person that I've ever seen look at me like that, like I'm the only person in the room, he's the only one that's ever made me feel like that. But my dreams clearly want to interfere with my tree like confidence. I lost someone who wasn't worth keeping, to someone who isn't better than me (I keep hearing that) that fact doesn't mean I'm worth less. I am strong, I am a bright light. I wish I could sleep dreamlessly.

No comments:

Post a Comment