Thursday, 15 August 2013

Life passing me by

I'm in one of those reflective moods tonight,
 When you sat up with a busted foot and you're alone all you have is a one way conversation with your thoughts. I'm going into my last year of university, it will be over in a flash. My first few weeks when I hated it my sisters said damn three years, but its flown by. Now I'm asking myself, where the hell is my life going? I know time flies, I know I'll blink and be dead, but seriously, I feel like I didn't even start living until last Christmas. I've felt and done more and became more in myself the last six months than I've done in my entire life. What the hell was I doing before! I was wasting away, googling things and dreaming of things I wanted to do instead of going out there and grabbing my life with both hands. I cant really blame anyone but myself, but I really truly sit and wonder what I was doing all that time? I was living half a life.

It's not just being with my wolf, the experiences and feelings I get from that part of my life are a big deal, they basically throw me off chart everyday, and yes the sex is probably still the craziest, most unbelievable experience I'm yet to get used to, but it's not just that making me feel alive. I'm a different person. I am not the Miss Siviter that was dragging herself along quietly in someone's shadow all those months ago. I've somehow become a bright light in my own life, all by myself. I did that, I made myself happy. I wouldn't want people to think I changed myself deliberately or with a plan, it's more like, I felt free and comfortable to finally become myself. After that there was no going back. I've had more fun and more excitement this year than I thought I'd get ever! Was my life really that boring? Was I really that person I'm struggling to remember? The answer is yes, my life was slipping away, thank god I've jumped on it and have learnt how to take the wheel.

I know I'll be alright on my own if necessary, I could pick myself up again and carry on but I hope I don't have to, half the adventure of life is sharing it with someone worth while.

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