Saturday, 4 May 2013

I had no idea...

Until a few months ago I was young and naive...I'm still young in relative terms, turning 20 this month, oh the horror, but in the last few months I've learnt a lot. I've discovered that a broken heart can be mended and given away to a new person, I've realised that losing my best friend meant I had more time and affection for a whole group of best friends, special people that stayed strong at my side. I never knew before what it was to be looked at with admiration so often that it made me feel nervous and pretty at the same time. That a job in customer service would bring forth a bubbly confidence I didn't know I had. And the main one that I'm thinking of right now, is how utterly fantastic and addictive sex is! To be encased in a mans strong arms and feel cherished is a wonderful feeling, but to have a man inside you making you hot all over and desperate for him and and only him to bring you to that awe inspiring feeling of contentment that he's built up in you...oh my sweet lord I have become a wanton sinner. I never knew how much I'd like the feeling, the stretch and pull of my skin over his, the frantic movements...I'm obsessed and it's made all the more powerful a feeling I suppose because as much as I tried to hold back and stop myself from falling I have well and truly been thrown down the deep hole that is falling in love. I have said it aloud and admitted to myself that stupid and fast and reckless as i have let myself be, I am undeniably in love for the second time of my life, if the last time was love at that's a bit harsh, it was a kind of love, it was a deep long term affection for someone who had grown up with me through the teenage years and was in truth the best of friends, but it wasn't like this. This that I'm feeling now is so forceful it knocks me back, there's a strong feeling inside me that I can't shake off, I like him more than I've liked anyone, we've talked more than I have ever managed to do with anyone else, I feel happy all the time when I think of this situation I'm in, and I want him with a fifty shades of grey passion I really can't curb. This is a faster, passionate kind of love, this isn't the type of soft friendship that develops into feelings, this is a hard, crazy, fast and incredible hurricane. I can't believe I let someone root themselves in my life so deeply and so quickly but I am almost 20, I'm a woman and for the first time I really know what I want. His name is Jones. They should bottle him and sell him as a drug, I'm completely addicted.

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