Thursday, 27 February 2014


My knees and lower back are hurting so much I could cry right now. My knees are screaming. Screaming and crunching like they're not going to ever work properly again. It's been such a long time since it hurt like this. I feel five again. Back when I didn't understand what was happening, when I couldn't deal with the pain, I just cried and screamed and cried and my mother was the only one who could coax me to even try and take my medicine and straighten out my crippled legs. They're not crippled now you understand, a lot of doctor appointments and exercises made my legs straighten out and grow properly but that doesn't stop the aches and pains and then the odd flare up like now, my knees are swollen like they used to be, my back hurts like crazy. I used to hate taking medicine, now I cant get enough pills down my throat. I hate this. It terrifies me. I'm young and healthy and fit now, but what about when I'm old, old and grey and wrinkled and barely able to look after myself? What if I'm housebound, bed bound! In pain all the time my joints twisted and turned in the wrong place, what if I'm in a wheel chair, unable to walk? I'd rather be put down like a dog. Do you understand that, I'd rather be put down if I ever get like that. I don't mean to be so bloody depressed but when I'm in a lot of pain like this, which is so rare nowadays it reminds me I have a serious condition for a young person, and I've lived with it all my life. I cannot bare thinking about getting old with this, Maybe by then they will have mastered future robotics and I can have every major joint replaced and be a wonder woman of strength. Maybe. God I'm in a lot of pain.

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