Sunday, 16 February 2014

Room now empty of her.

"I heard what you said out there. Is that all you think we have, friendship and sex?"
         "What would you call it?"
"A relationship for a start, a relationship that's been going for three years."
          "Giving it a label doesn't change the substance."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
           "I don't see why you're getting so upset, there's nothing incorrect about what I've said, an intimate relationship between two people is generally nothing more than a good friendship with sex added in. We're easily in that category."

"Except the fact that I love you."
              "That's irrelevant, I love my best friend, my mother, my dog. That doesn't mean I want to be tied to them every day for the rest of my life. Nor that I'd ever say any vows to promise such a thing."
"Just because we're not married, you're disregarding everything between us."
             "I'm not disregarding anything! I'm simply stating that spending the majority of your time with the same person, and having fun, decent conversation and sex with that person doesn't mean anything, not really. You're just two people sharing things, my point is you can do that with anybody."

"You could have what we have with anybody?"
               "In a logical perspective, yes. Name one thing, just one thing that we have that's just us, that you couldn't have done with anyone else?"
"We only sleep with each other, neither of us fuck anyone else."
                 "Irrelevant, if we broke up I'd shag someone tomorrow, and so would you. And remind me again, how many people have you slept with?...oh lost count. Sex is sex, it could happen with a stranger."
"How about the fact that we live together, and have done for two years?"
                  "You lived with Roxanne, I practically lived with Paul for a year. You lived with Stan! See you can't think of anything because there isn't anything. Holidays, living arrangements, special occasions, all those things you think we share and are therefore special, either of us could share with anyone. We don't even have kids between us, but again I could sign up at a clinic, get pregnant and then biologically share a child with a frozen stranger! You probably do have an unknown child to some bar crawl one night stand, it wouldn't be surprising would it?"
"In a few minutes you've made our three years together sound like a cold arrangement."

                  "It is an arrangement! An unspoken agreement that we get on well enough to not kill each other. That we enjoy having sex enough to want it with each other regularly, and can live our lives doing what we want to do with each other or at least without irritating the other."
"I couldn't be the way I am with you, with anyone else. Because only people who love each other have that."
                    "We're back to the dog thing. You're trying to deny the logic with romantic waffle. Again, you say that but we know we've both been in love before, that feeling hasn't been reserved just for us. And if we finished our relationship eventually we'd meet other people who we would love and then be the same with them as we are together."

"You know, this is what it all stems from, you and you're bloody certainty that we're not made to last. Since the day I met you, you have pushed and kicked and fought what's between us every step of the way. I give and you give, but then you take your side back! You never let your guard down long enough to even contemplate that we are the real thing. You're always holding me off, locking yourself away. You wont even give yourself the chance to love me as much you're able to, if only you'd believe in us. You bet on your own team to lose, because you think that way you're set up ready to handle the loss. When are you going to understand I'm not going anywhere? You can fight me until the day I die but I will not give up and I am not going to leave you..."

                     "People say I love you everyday and it doesn't mean anything. It's just like saying I'm sorry, its a pacifier, a spoonful of sugar."
"People get married everyday and then divorce a few months later."
                     "Not the right people! Not people who mean the vows they say and continue to mean them through the years. Marriage isn't a wedding, it's not white gown and top hat, it's a commitment, it's a promise that actually ties two people together. A house, a child, a dog, memories, love, sex, all that a person could have with anyone, I could shack up with Brian and in a year have all that, it still doesn't mean anything. Marriage, when it's done right, is something only two people who are certain commit to. This is it, done and dusted, we are going to keep this up for the rest of our lives. All the other things two strangers could have after a year but you wouldn't marry Stan, I wouldn't marry the dog. But we both love them, have lived with them, made memories, and in your case you could have kids together! You don't marry your best friend, or mother, or one nighter down the pub. You marry the one person that means more to you than anyone else."
"If you mean that much to each other what's the piece of paper for? I don't believe in god, it's only religion that created this crap."
                      "You're not making your promise to god, you're making it to me! In front of witnesses who are people we love and care about, and support us. When you say those vows it's a promise to each other, no one else! It's the only thing that changes an 'arrangement' into something more. It's the only thing you have between yourselves that's just you. Just each other sharing that commitment, because I wouldn't do it with anyone I wasn't one hundred per cent sure about. You know what, you're right, I do hold back my feelings, I have fought us every step of the way, and you have never given me any reason to change that. Oh yes you say it now, you say you love me and we live together so it means something. It means nothing! You've given both of those things to others in the past. The only thing you could give me is your name, and those vows, and the eternal promise that I believe in! What else would you have ever done that would assure me you love me? I've never been sure of your feelings for me. So don't blame me for holding back mine for you. If you asked me to marry you, I would say no, because like I love you, it's just a pacifier now. You don't believe in marriage? That just tells me you don't believe in us. I gave you the facts, the reality, and you don't like it. You think its more but it's not, and frankly, it probably never will be. I want to feel like I am more to you than anyone else is or has or ever will be!"

She walks out and the green door closes strangely softly.

"But you're everything to me." He says to the room now empty of her.


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