I read Pride and Predjudice when I was eleven years old, still a little girl by all means. I struggled through it of course, the language, the lexis was all very complex and required concentration but I fell completely in love with the image the story presented. It was my first taste of what polite, genteel society was like, it made me long for an England of old and more than all this, it made me fall in love with the ideal of a gentleman.
A gentleman by definition is a man born of gentle or noble birth or superior social position.
A gentleman by MY definition is a man who has qualities that make a woman feel special, for example the act of putting a lady first, for being kind and considerate and treating you with a deal of affection and respect.
Over the years I'd say I've fallen in love about 100 times: Colonel Brandon, Mr Darcy, Ronald Weasley, John McClane, Cameron Poe, John Spartan, Henry V111, Heathcliff, Dextar Anstruther, the list is endless, but the one vibrant image of the perfect guy is a gentleman. As a little girl I dreamt about a gentleman, someone who'd obviously sweep me off my feet and make me dizzy with that amazing feeling of contentment. As I grew up this never died. Of course I also pictured this gentleman as a bit of an adventurer, Crocodile Dundee, Jack T. Colton spring to mind, and of course, (as many of my friends know) he's to be sat on a motorbike waiting for me to sweep down and jump on (as the fantasy goes). Ok so I daydreamed a lot in school, and after watching Grease 2 I was hooked on the image of a motorbiker.
Anyway!...I do my best to act and look like a lady, my mother brought me up to be respectable, virtuous, legs crossed, skirt down and to speak and act politely. My obsession with the Regency period and literature set in this time meant I fell into this quite happily. So when I'm with the girls we can all have a giggle and a joke and crudely talk about men but frankly we all know they do it about us!!!!. When I'm out in company I try to be the perfect lady, I keep my knees together, I eat my food carefully and don't walk around in next to nothing with thongs poking out and bras on display. I don't swear or shout and I am polite and nice. Additionally I'm a clean, tidy OCDish girl and I wont go a day without my legs etc being shaved and conditioned and silky soft, my hair's always clean and in good condition, I just think these things are absolutely vital! I'm not so obsessed with plastering my face with makeup, so long as I'm clean and fresh but I couldn't spend a day with unwashed hair or something-Gross!
Gone on a bit there, but my point is, that's generally my effort and some might regard this as being 'picky' but I rather expect a similar effort from the opposite sex....a man ought to be clean etc and gentlemanly and that's my opinion. Someone dragging on a cigarette, with one hand down their trousers (why?? Seriously what are you messing with it for!!?!) , spitting on the floor and not making an effort towards me at all, is just not going to hold my attention.
I'm rather amazed that after a handful of weak daffodils, a seedling has bloomed and I'm getting attached quite quickly. Too quickly. I have actually told myself to put a lock and key on areas of myself which I'm struggling to do!!! Because I'm letting myself fall too hard too fast maybe. It's really hard to hold back when you're completely utterly absorbed into someone and to not be bored in a guys company is amazing me!!! Actually feeling like I'm up to scratch is also a nice feeling. It's an even better feeling when i can see these gentlemanly traits shining through all the time and little romantic gestures are naturally occurring; a little silver box, a quick public kiss, hand holding for a long time, these silly things to a reader are dream like to me. Of course all this would be a downward spiral of pointlessness if a certain kind of attraction didn't exist, what we ladies have opted to call 'The Spark' if there was no spark, no need, or even craving for a little more, then all the above would be irrelevant...but that's there too. It's odd for me to feel like this, I can't remember feeling this sort of feeling before...I'm not sure if that's because there's a genuine compatibility and boxes are being ticked or if frankly this daffodil just has a bloody good idea of what he's doing!! It's probably a bit of both. I don't know what I'm doing! I'm totally lost. I'm actually useless I think but who cares he's good enough for the both of us! In three kisses I've felt more than I ever did in my life before. It's terribly exciting. My innocence to his experience maybe? -Now that sounds Jane Austen, but how else am I meant to phrase it?! That's got to have some bearing, I just don't know where I'm letting myself fall, addiction is never a good thing, but I don't intend to stop it anyway. I've fallen off the waggon haven't I? Christ. This is great, this is bad, this is out of my control. This is fun. lol Siviter, you think too much.