Thursday, 21 March 2013

Henry has died.

Henry was the weakest one. He was docile and cold, and despite my efforts he would not stay huddled in the pack. I held him the most, I guess you're naturally drawn to the weak. I chose to love Henry the most and sketch him out. It was likely this would happen, but that doesn't change the sheer force of shock when I realise I've lost one. I could not save you, I tried and I failed.

The thing with logical people is that they view situations in a realistic way, I do not. I choose to turn my head from the world and it's dark clouds, I refuse to let myself believe that this is the way life is sometimes. So when I'm directly faced with reality it is always a heavy thunder of house bricks upon my head. I shouldn't be as upset as I am, but I guess I'm just soft. I held him, lifeless, in my hand and prayed to God, I pray more often than I let on to most people, I prayed for his soul although I know God does not except animals into his kingdom, that is why it is not the christian God I pray to, it's my God. I wish to see a breath. Yesterday there was such a strong steady heartbeat bouncing beneath that chest, now it's so still. How can that be? How could Death have come into my home, while I slept and taken you? He must have known I wouldn't have let you go had I been with you at that moment. I know in myself that me wishing upon this little creature wont make him suddenly live again, but it doesn't stop me trying.  I have laid him down now. I'm not afraid of Death myself, I understand in life there will always be death, but when it's a heartbeat in my own hands and I am fighting to keep it alive, when it's such an early life, well then things are different. In truth I'm devastated by this. I'm crushed. He hadn't even opened his eyes and seen the colours of the world yet. You could have waited for that.
If you haven't read my previous blogs, Henry was a baby squirrel, but he's passed away now.

Poem for Henry:

Breathe, please breathe
I’d give anything, to see your heartbeat
You lie so still, so cold, so small
Out of the little ones, I loved you more
Life is cruel, it does not wait to say goodbye
It leaves you broken, it leaves you to cry
Breathe, just breathe
I hold you in my hand
You do not stir. That heartbeat I watched yesterday
Is gone for good, you didn’t stay
I stroke you now, waiting, watching
Just breathe again, breathe
My throat aches, I swallow the pain,
I lay you down, there you will remain
Because you do not breathe, not ever again
(Henry was alive here)

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