Saturday, 23 March 2013

A light

Well that was a hard strong drink-like rum that stings your lips and leaves your head feeling black and blue, run through the gutters and pounding, throbbing headache residue.
 I'm referring to an event in my life that should have been simple and easy, maybe even enjoyable but this, that and the other turned it into a hellish firestorm. I still have a painful 'ting' in between my eyes, the sour taste of coffee long gone but still fresh as a new memory in my mouth- my brothers idea of relieving shock. Tea! for christs sake, get me a cup of tea! I'm worn down, utterly dragged through a hedge down a road three miles too late, you stupid people! Don't you realise what you've done? Can't you see what your reaction has turned this simple suggestion into? It's made it a neccesity, rather than a choice. It's now a dirty thing instead of a 'the right time' thing.

 No one else had this. Most of the people I know left at 17 to move into shared student hovels with strangers in the middle of somewhere they didn't know on other ends of the country. I suggested trialing a place out for a little while but staying local and I get treated like a pregnant 14 year old, on drugs. Now for a start, this IS happening. Another thing is, it's too late, far too late to change how you handled the situation or make it better. I am lost in transition right now, this is one of those moments when I think I'm meant to be walking a dirt road in america with my bag, or on a train running through france or even just here in England, in Yorkshire or Cornwall, somewhere pretty. No shoes, no socks, no money but freedom and a nice view. Then reality crashes down when something else breaks, or it's time to go to work.

There's a light in me, I've been told too often that it's there to try and ignore it, a light I feel that you're trying to put out. Well I'm going before another damp drop falls onto me and extinguishes my light. A light can only last so long in a dark room before it runs out of energy.

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