Friday, 15 March 2013

The Randomer

I can’t go any longer without blogging about this!! So Let me fill you in...

 I was not very surprised when a randomer messaged me on facebook regarding bootcamp something or other… I was getting a few strangers talking to me ever since my status glared out 'SINGLE' they were regularly popping up, as referred to before, like daffodils. I was polite I hope, and friendly as normal but didn’t think anything of this particular conversation with another randomer. In truth I forgot the whole thing and Monday night arrives and I’m an irritated huff rapidly getting ready for fitness. My usual sport clothes had done a bunk and I was freaking that I had to resort to the most god awful T-shirt but then again, it’s fitness it’s not a big deal. Makeup could sod off too. Once I met with the sisters my mood rapidly changed direction and we walked into the hall laughing at something or other. Why I always seem to walk through the door first is beyond me, and I always smile like an absolute weirdo when approaching a crowd. None the less, we were there as usual and the group was bigger but I didn’t really pay attention, I was rattling on about something I imagine. I just don’t pick up on things! So when Chrissie starts whispering to me five minutes later…

“Who’s the new guy?, he keeps staring over.”

My reaction was a comical… “What? Who? Where?”- Look in indicated direction for a millisecond “I dunno him.” …. “Oh wait” double look, ooo facebook randomer? Jam tarts are featuring vividly in my mind now, an after impression in my mind of said conversation, “He’s this randomer off facebook.” I explained.

Stacey chips in, wants to know what’s occurring.

“Tight T-shirt guy, 12 O’clock, got the hots for Sian.”-Chrissie

“Don’t be stupid!” –me

“He does. Stacey watch him, dun he keep looking.” -Chrissie

“For god’s sake!” –me

Anyway…continue throwing heavy ball to floor and ok so my attention wasn’t completely on task. But now I was conscious of randomer, I looked over about once, or twice..ish. Hmm what’s he even doing here? Chap doesn’t look like he needs to be at a little fitness class, that’s mainly featuring young mothers and neighbours. Hmmm, T-shirt does look ridiculous, I actually got the giggles at one point, then felt like a bitch, I looked god awful at that moment! He was tall though, I like tall. Shit he just looked, did he see me look? I wasn’t looking! I was assessing. Don’t look again, just focus on the floor. Broad shoulders, I like broad shoulders, oh for god’s sake looked again! By now okay I’d looked a little bit, but still thinking total randomer!

What happened then, Bootcamp man knocks over a stool that’s as old as the country, I make a comment “Oi! That stools been here since I was at school!” I was quite amused, but seriously that stools an artefact! Was I subconsciously trying to draw attention to myself? No!

There’s a chuckle and then “I remember it being there when I was here! That's old”

I look up and oh Christ, it’s him. It's the tight T-shirt randomer.

“Hmmm” That’s what I said, yeah good one Sian, just say hmm all the time!  Quick say something else ...“It’s ancient! lol”

:-O God! Where do you get this stuff from Sian? It’s ancient!? don’t say anything else for god’s sake, lol- cringe, when did I turn into a walking facebook status? Chrissie’s there and she’s eyeing randomer and then eyeing me, and I’m thinking, just look at the floor. That’s my comfort zone, let’s just look at the floor.

Finally walk back home in the cold and we’re all having a giggle about fallen stool and randomer.

“You think he was trying to start a conversation?”-Stacey

“Doubt it.”- Me

“Yeah right, he definitely had a thing for Sian. I kept watching after and he was looking.” -Chrissie

“He wasn’t” –Me, frankly usually it’s a vest and fitted sport trousers not the lumpy god awful stuff I wore that week. I couldn’t imagine being looked at in a good light. If anything I'd probably done a grand job of changing the dudes mind, well I think he was too old to be referred to as a dude, not that he was ancient or anything, why do I care, I don't know him. He wasn't interested. He wasn't.

I was surprised when I saw a facebook message from the randomer the moment I logged on at home. Excluding awkward ‘stool’ moment we hadn’t said a word to each other at the class. However, I replied…fitness talk, food talk…I mention my healthy eating and get “one healthy meal does not good nutrition make!”

What!? Who is this tool? >:-/ Who talks like that, his word lexis is mimicking Shakespeare. That's a bit weird.

Oh he just said he thinks I’m ‘rather nice looking’, bit of a flush then, in my green baggy shirt! Really, what do I say to that? Let’s just say thank you. Oh Jesus he’s said it again, backing up the last comment, I don’t know what to say. Woman! He’s referring to me as a woman, since when am I a woman? Further along, this guy talks as if he’s as ancient as the stool, he doesn’t look that old,…Hmm might have to stalk for an age. Hang on a minute, no I am not! I doubt we shall even speak again after this. Oh god, it’s been a few hours? Where’s that time gone?

I mention country music, now from previous experience people are instantly put off by my music taste, without hesitation. I throw in a few names. LOL he won’t know these people. Time for bed, that’s the end of that.

Next day rolls along:

Oh my god, he’s youtubed my music, he likes some of it, I think I’m going to die. Genuine real comments on various Kenny Chesney songs, then it didn’t stop there, as if he just mentioned Toby Keith, and Miranda Lambert. I’ve died at this moment. As if he’s gone and listened and actually discovered stuff on his own. I think that was it for me to be honest, interest sky rocketed. But no, this is a randomer who must be 30 something, he talks like a descendant from a museum sculpture and I should probably stop this conversation. It's totally inappropriate. I am going to stop this conversation.


Ok so frankly, it’s really, really hard to stop talking to somebody who always says something you’re interested in. Every time I decided that I was going to drift off this conversation that had progressed to being an ongoing everyday occurrence, something would trigger my interest and I can’t not reply!! I have family members I don’t talk to this much! Sian he could be a serial killer, a random bootcamp serial killer…. He’s reading my blog!!!! In a few days this randomer has done more for me that means something than the Key Holder ever did in 6 years!! I think I’m getting over my head here, I really should establish friend zone, but he’s so nice! I’m actually enjoying this, I really should stop. If he’s a serial killer does it really matter? I mean country music, and america and stuff, and reading my blog! Serial killers don't read blogs!

Holy crap. He has a license for a motorbike. I’m gone, I’m tipped over the edge now. That’s it, it’s out of my hands. I've dreamt about a man on a motorbike since I was like six!

He’s started a blog, I’m on there, fully alive in written form. I’ve never known anyone to write about me before. He totally fancies me! OMG, isn't that awful, what am I supposed to say now, I don't fancy him do I? It's so inappropriate, what would my mother say? Christ I must discover how old this guy is. What's my limit 30? maybe push it to 35... :-/ it really doesn't matter, I don't fancy him, this is going no further. Maybe I shouldn't go to bootcamp fitness Monday. Hmmmm

I've bought new clothes for Monday's fitness class. Monday came along too fast. Okay so I was still thinking that nothing was going to occur, but last week I looked a state ok! So it’s totally understandable and in no way crazy that I went on a bit of a pre bootcamp make over, new hair dye, new sport clothes (I needed them anyway), little bit of makeup, I don’t want to go. I’m going to look like an idiot. I feel dizzy. I'm not going to go. I'm going to cancel.

Ok let’s just go, I’m just going to walk in as normal, nothing has changed, randomer is now friend, that is it. Just walk in...

“Stacey you go in first!”

Look at floor, look at Emma, pay money, quick glance round, oh sigh of relief! He’s not here yet. What! wait, what is he's not coming! I have dyed my hair! What if he doesn't turn up. Standing by the wall I’m really trying to listen to my groups chatter without looking around, I’m not looking, he might not come,
hmm if I angle my head and look in the window I might see a reflection of the room and see if he’s here yet, oh stop it! He’s there oh god. Look at floor, look at floor. Look at bootcamp man demonstrating, look at curtains, look at floor…anywhere but in that left hand corner! Listen to your group chattering, don’t look round, he’s probably not looked once. Seriously it’s not a big deal, it’s just…CHRIST! I’ve sodding dropped my water bottle, everywhere. Crap. I’m going to die.

The sisters keep nudging me, “Go and talk to him.”

“I’m not going over!”

End of bootcamp finally, let’s get out of here before I make an idiot of myself. He’s got people around him, he's absolutely surrounded by women! unbelievable. I am not going over, I am going to sneak out.  He won’t notice me leave. Arrr he’s noticed…

“Sian! Blog”

What happened to my tongue? I don’t know, but a very pathetic wave is all I managed seriously. Stacey’s kicking off

“Did you even speak to him once!!”

“I waved.”

a wave is practically saying something isn't it? I mean body language speaks. Cringe, I am so completely pathetic.

On the other hand, oh my god he spoke to me, he spoke to me!! Lol like two words but he said my name!!! He knows my name, was I dribbling? I hope not. He said it right! He said Sharn, not Ci anne, or sean, he said my name.

Yeah so I was on my laptop instantly. He had said 'blog' that meant to check out his blog, even I was not that slow to understand. I go on his blog.

Heaven is where that post is. A poem about me…about me! Actual real me. As if! It’s rather good, oh my god! Tingle tingle tingle…this is movie worthy. I might just melt now. I gotta ring somebody!

“Chrissie! The randomer, he’s written a poem about me!.. yeah it’s on his blog, yeah it’s obvious, it’s amazing. I can’t believe it.”

“He is nice, because I was proper checking him out this week, T-shirt was better as well.”

“It’s so lovely; I’ll send you the link.”

So yeah, that was my moment, I felt a real glow, a genuine butterfly flutter. I’m big on tingles, and that was a tingle. That was a full fledged tingle!!!

 I think I like him.

I haven’t smiled this much in a long time. That’s all I need to say for most people to understand.

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